Tag: Aging

The title of this post is CAPITALIZED SO YOU CAN HEAR IT!

As many approach their “Golden Years”  (we never quite get there, if you know what I mean) some begin to experience the annoyances of aging.

One annoyance is the way folks mumble; who can understand them? To encourage folks to speak more clearly, I have included actual verbal exchanges — recorded over the past months —  between Grandma Bevy and me.

I hope readers will take the hint and learn to enunciate!

Grandma Bevy:  I think it’s bean soup.
Grandpa Billy:  What’s been sued?

Grandma Bevy:  Julian’s mom worked at Eyde.
Grandpa Billy:  Julian’s mom worked and died?

Grandma Bevy:  Oh look, my pill is scored.
Grandpa Billy:   I got gored? I don’t think so.

Grandma Bevy:  Put your hat in the closet, like a that.
Grandpa Billy:  Like a bat?
Grandma Bevy:  Like a that.
Grandpa Billy:  Like a vat?
Grandma Bevy:  Like that!
Grandpa Billy:  What?

Grandma Bevy:  Do you want one egg or two?
Grandpa Billy:  I want new.
Grandma Bevy:  I said, one or two. Turn up your hearing aid!
Grandpa Billy:  OK. An old one, then.

Grandma Bevy:  So, Chuck got the take out and…
Grandpa Billy:  Chuck got the tank out?
Grandma Bevy:  Take out… take out!

Grandma Bevy:  I guess my group won’t be meeting for another two weeks.
Grandpa Billy:  You aren’t eating for two weeks?  Bev, you don’t have to do that for me.

Grandma Bevy:  Now is a good time to take your blood pressure.
Grandpa Billy:  Take my butt pressure?
Grandma Bevy:  Yes, your blood pressure.
Grandpa Billy:  Sounds good.

Grandma Bevy:  You can have some turkey later.
Grandpa Billy:  I have a turkey flavor?
Grandma Bevy:  If you want to.

Grandma Bevy:  Our kids are traveling in Europe this summer. We’ll probably be at home.
Grandpa Billy:  We’ll be in a home?
Grandma Bevy:  You might be.

Grandma Bevy:  There are some real egos in that neighborhood.
Grandpa Billy:  Eagles? No way.
Grandma Bevy:  I said egos. There are some big egos in those big houses.
Grandpa Billy:  Maybe some hawks. No eagles.

Grandma Bevy:  Oh look! A new dishwasher.
Grandpa Billy:  A nude dishwasher?

Grandma Bevy:  I texted Doug for his birthday.
Grandpa Billy:  You hexed Doug on his birthday? That’s not right.

Grandma Bevy:  I have to call Perry’s office to get a refill on my prescription.
Grandpa Billy:  Call your parent’s office?
Grandma Bevy:  Perry’s office. Perry’s office! Clean your ears!

Grandma Bevy:  Am I in your way?
Grandpa Billy:  Am Miami way?
Grandma Bevy:  No. Am I?

Grandma Bevy:  Mary has been placed in hospice care.
Grandpa Billy:  Mary hasn’t paid her hospice care? She was always so responsible.

Grandma Bevy:  You put the shades down in the bedroom. Afraid someone’s going to see your body?
Grandpa Billy:  Seize my coffee? I don’t drink coffee in the bedroom. Never have.

Grandma Bevy:  We haven’t seen the neighbors in their hot tub lately.
Grandpa Billy:  In their hot dog?

Grandma Bevy:  You can put the plates and silverware on the table.
Grandpa Billy:  I can put the plastic silverware on the table?
Grandma Bevy:  Plates, PLATES!!! (Throws up hands)

Grandma Bevy:  I’m going to physical therapy now.
Grandpa Billy:  Hysterical therapy?
Grandma Bevy:  Oh, for crying out loud.

Grandma Bevy:  Guess what? I have a urinary tract infection.
Grandpa Billy:  You have a yearning for a track infection?  Why, Bev, why?

Grandma Bevy:  My sciatic nerve is killing me.
Grandpa Billy:  Your psychiatric nerve is bothering you?
Grandma Bevy:  You certainly are. (Glares, rolls eyes)

Grandma Bevy:  I thought you said you were going to e-mail her.
Grandpa Billy:  Female her?
Grandma Bevy:  Billll…Y.. !?!

Grandma Bevy:  Did you know that tea, coffee, and cocoa contain different stimulants? I’m a nurse, right?  I studied dietetics.
Grandpa Billy:  Diuretics? Heh! I studied beer-drinking. ‘Course, that was a long time ago — before my prostrate swoll and nearly killed me.

Grandma Bevy:  You don’t drink much now.
Grandpa Billy:  I think plenty. I’m sharp as a tack.

Grandma Bevy:  Don’t hear so good either.
Grandpa Billy:  Donneer soggy ether? 
Grandma Bevy:  Here’s a straw. Finish your soup, dear.

Grandma Bevy:  You dropped a glob of jelly on the table cloth.
Grandpa Billy:  … on the tuna cloth?
Grandma Bevy: [starts singing to herself]

Billy Lee